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  • Writer's pictureBecky Handley

Everything happens for a reason?

For my major project at university I have been looking at mental health, in particularly the battles I face with my own. As I got into the project I began to worry that it was all getting too depressing (Is that irony?) I began looking at ways in which I can make it more positive – look at all the good I have within my life, all the happiness I have experienced.

Some of the images from my major project

And this got me thinking about the idea of fate and that everything happens for a reason.

Now, personally, I don’t buy into that one.

Somebody being raped, abused, hurt, someone being killed, someone reaching the end of how much they can cope with etc. – what could possibly be the reason?!

What I do believe is that we should all ask ourselves one question – if I could take away all the bad, even if it meant losing all the good, would I?

Maybe your answer is yes but for me, it is a very definite no.

The thought of losing how close I am with my mum, having had her always be by side, whether literally or figuratively, knowing she’ll be there in the bad times, along with her being one my best friends who I can rely on to be up for a weekend in Manchester to see one of my favourite bands, without even a second thought on her part.

Maybe I wouldn’t have grown up living in the same house as my Grandparents, being so close with them in the short time I had with them.

Never going out in Sheffield and meeting the one man (along with my Grandad) who made me believe maybe I wasn’t worthless and that I could be loved by a man.

Nearly 7 years on and he’s still by my side.

Never finding my soulmates (yes plural and no, not a single man to be found!) – never sitting in Emma’s living room, drinking cider, and laughing liked I’d never stop, never walking around Greenwich with Selly, trying to be grown-ups, but ending up in the pub, never hugging Caroline or Tilly for the first time in years and feeling like not a second’s past since I last saw them.

Not getting to watch Tilly and Kira becoming parents themselves and smiling because one of them has just got to end up with a mini version of one of us. (Good luck, guys!)

Never getting to the right university and discovering what I want to do with my life (finally!) and making true forever friends for the first time in years.

Never climbing that mountain (accidently - yes accidentally!) with Izzy and Molly and laughing all the way down.

I didn’t get all this because the bad things happened but maybe altering my path, taking away all the battles, maybe I would lose all of this. And what a lot to lose.

So, no, I wouldn’t change any of it.

It's just about learning to focus on all the good I have right now in the present day, instead of living in the past.

I have a tattoo on my arm – a paraphrasing of lyrics from Sound System by Operation Ivy -

‘To resist despair is what it is to be free.’

And it's tattooed on me because, from the minute I heard those lyrics, I knew it was true. Or I at least wanted to believe it could be, if I could just move my focus to all the good in my world, then I could be free of all the bad.

The past didn’t happen for a reason and it sure as hell doesn’t have to be the thing that defines you because every single day we wake up to a brand-new day, a brand-new start and you can do something to make it better. And if you still can’t on that next day, then that’s okay too.

Rebuilding takes time.

Hell, it may take me a lifetime but luckily that’s what I've got.

#mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #timetotalk #pma #blog #friendship #family

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