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  • Writer's pictureBecky Handley


I always used to think that to forgive someone who had hurt you was to say that the pain they had caused you did not matter anymore. I felt that some people deserved my anger and that in forgiving them I would be saying that the way they treated me was okay.

And then I read a book by Dena D. Babul, RN and Karin Luise, PhD called 'The Fatherless Daughter Project' which really changed my feelings on forgiveness.

Karin writes about how her mother taught her that forgiveness is really about 'letting go of something that is not yours to carry'.

'The word forgive comes from the words "give" and "forth". To give forth a pain that does not belong to you.'

Forgiveness isn't about saying that what happened to you doesn't matter or that it was okay, it is about making the decision to move forward in your life.

To not give forth the pain, is to keep it inside of you, taking up space in your mind and heart that is so much more deserving of something beautiful.

Forgiveness is about handing back the pain to the person who caused it. The person who should have been carrying it all along.


The Fatherless Daughter Project by Denna D. Babul, RN and Karin Luise, PhD Available here -

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